Many people believe that long distance relationships are never going to work out. Your family may discourage it, and some of your best friends may advise you not to take it too seriously, in case you get your heart broken.
Nobody says it is going to be easy — the extra distance makes many things unachievable. Things could get complicated, and you could get sad and lonely at times.
However, the extra distance also makes the simplest things the sweetest, being able to hold the other person’s hand, eating together at the same table, feeling each other’s touch, taking a walk together, smelling each other’s hair… these small wishes could suddenly mean so much more in a long distance relationship.
Best Tips On Making A Long Distance Relationship Work
“Age does not protect you from love. But love, to some extent, protects you from age.”
1. Avoid excessive communication
It is unwise to be overly “sticky” and possessive. You two don’t really have to communicate 12 hours a day to keep the relationship going. Many couples think that they need to compensate for the distance by doing more. This is not true. And it might only make things worse. Soon you would get tired of “loving.”
Remember: Less is more. It is not about spamming — you are only going to exhaust yourselves. It’s really about teasing at the right moments and tugging at the right spots.
2. See it as an opportunity
View it as a learning journey for the both of you. See it as a test of your love for each other. As the Chinese saying goes, “Real gold is not afraid of the test of fire.” Instead of thinking that this long distance relationship is pulling you two apart, you should believe that through this experience, the both of you will be bound together even stronger.
3. Set some ground rules to manage your expectations
Both of you need to be clear with what you expect of each other during this long distance relationship. Set some ground rules so that none of you will do things that will take the other party by surprise.
For instance, are you two exclusive? Is it alright for the other person to go on dates? What is your commitment level? It’s better to be open with each other about all these things.
4. Try to communicate regularly, and creatively
Greet each other “good morning” and “good night” every day — this is a must. On top of that, try to update your partner on your life and its happenings, however mundane some of the things may seem.
To up the game, send each other pictures, audio clips and short videos from time to time. By putting in this kind of effort, you make the other person feel loved and attended to.
5. Avoid “dangerous” situations
If you already know that going to the club or going drinking with your group of friends late at night will displease your partner, then you should either 1. Not do it or 2. Tell your partner beforehand so as to reassure him/her.
Don’t be careless about this sort of matter because your partner is only going to be extra worried or extra suspicious, and of course, very upset, because you are putting him/her in a position where he/she feels powerless or lacking in control.
Also, It could be easy for you to fall into the trap which you, unconsciously or not, set up for yourself by “hanging out” with your office eye-candy after work, or going out with a girl or guy from your past who has been flirting with you. You need to recognize the dangers before entering into the situation.
Don’t just listen to your heart. Listen to your mind too.
6. Do things together
Play an online game together. Watch a documentary on YouTube or Vimeo at the same time. Sing to each other on Skype while one of you plays the guitar. “Take a walk together” outside while video-calling each other. Go online-shopping together — and buy each other gifts
7. Do similar things
Recommend books, TV shows, movies, music, news and etc. to each other. When you read, watch and listen to the same things, you get to have more topics in common to talk about.
This is a good to create some shared experiences even though you are living apart.
8. Make visits to each other
Visits are the highlight of every long distance relationship.
After all the waiting and yearning and abstinence, you finally get to meet each other to fulfill all the little things like holding hands, etc. which are all common to other couples but so very special and extra intimate for people in long distance relationships.
It will be like fireworks, glitter bombs, confetti, rainbows and butterflies everywhere.
9. Have a goal in mind
“What do we want to achieve at the end of the day?” “How long are we going to be apart?” “What about the future?” These are the questions you two need to ask yourselves.
The truth is, no couple can be in a long distance relationship for forever. Eventually we all need to settle down.
So make a plan with each other. Do up a timeline, marking down the estimated times apart and times together, and draw an end goal.
It is important that you two are on the same page and have the same goals. So that even if you are not living in the same space and the same timezone, both of you are still motivated to work together in the same direction towards a future that includes one another.
10. Stay honest with each other
Talk about your feelings of fear, insecurity, jealousy, apathy, whatsoever. If you try to hide anything from your partner, that secret will sooner or later swallow you up from inside out. Don’t try to deal with things all by yourself. Be open and honest with each other. Let your partner help you and give you the support you need. it’s better to look at the problem during its initial stage than to only disclose it when it’s all too late.
What can you do to make your Long Distance Relationship work?
After endless searching, you finally found someone worth holding onto. And you’re really happy together. But through certain circumstances, you find yourself separated from the one you love by miles and miles of distance.
No matter how much you love each other, there’s probably a part of you that wonders how or if your relationship will survive the long distance between you.
First of all, be comforted in knowing that long distance relationships can absolutely succeed. In fact, most couples find themselves geographically separated at some point during their dating or marriage relationship.
Many couples even point to a season of long distance as the cornerstone of a stronger relationship.
With that in mind, our team of relationship experts at Lasting have compiled a list of their very best tips for maintaining, surviving, and even thriving in a long distance relationship or long distance marriage.
We hope it’s just a matter of time until you and the one you love are side by side again. But in the meantime, here are some therapist-approved recommendations to strengthen your emotional connection, ease the ache of geographic separation, and help your relationship go the distance.
"We are most alive when we’re in love."
Communicate as much (or as little) as you need to feel connected
We are living at a time when we have unprecedented round-the-clock access to one another. For those in a long-distance relationship, devoting extensive free time to catching up can be a tremendous gift—so long as you’re both on the same page about it.
Some couples want to feel connected every hour. Some find it tedious to talk every day. Discuss with each other what works for the general frequency and length of time you will spend texting, talking, or video chatting in a day or week. And be open to modifying your communication tendencies as life creates new and unexpected demands.
“Be there” even when you can’t actually be there
Decades of research indicate the most satisfied relationships are those in which each partner successfully responds to the other’s emotional calls. Emotional calls are the thousands of tiny attempts to connect with each other. It’s one of the concepts explained in depth in the marriage health session of Lasting, the leading relationship health app.
At the core of every emotional call, you’re really asking each other one question:
“Will you be there for me?”
Responding to each other’s emotional calls can seem tricky within a long distance relationship. You can’t physically show up for each other’s milestone days or reassure someone with a hug. But that doesn’t make this crucial element of relationship success any less important.
Instead, long-distance couples may need to be more intentional about responding to each other’s attempts to connect. If you’ve scheduled a time to talk with your partner, make that call a priority, just as you would any work meeting or doctor’s appointment. If your partner has an important day, call or text preemptively to find out how it went. By weaving your partner’s needs into your day, you’ll demonstrate that you’re there for them, no matter how far apart you might be.
How To Survive A Long Distance Relationship
Long distance relationships come with their own unique challenges, and you get to see the good, the bad, and the ugly.
“A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself — to laugh with you, but never at you; to cry with you, but never because of you; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart.”
You Always Need Something To Look Forward To Together
One of the things that kills long-distance relationships is the constant underlying uncertainty of everything. Those questions up top can dominate one’s thinking. Uncertainty will make you think, “Is this all worth it?” “Does she still feel the same way about me as she did before?” “Is he secretly meeting other girls without me knowing?” “Am I kidding myself with all of this? Maybe we’re horrible for each other and I don’t know it.”
The longer you are apart, the more these uncertainties can grow into legitimate existential crises.
That’s why when making any long-distance relationship work, it’s crucial to always have some date that you are both looking forward to. Usually, this will be the next time you are both able to see each other. But it can also be other major life moments— applying for jobs in the other person’s city, looking at apartments where you could both be happy, a vacation together, perhaps.
Make Communication Optional
A lot of long-distance couples create rules that they should have X number of calls or that they need to talk every night at a certain time. You can easily find articles online recommending this sort of behavior.
This approach may work for some people, but I’ve always found that communication should happen organically. You should talk to each other when you want to, not because you have to. And if that means going a couple of days without communicating, then so be it. People get busy, after all; and periodically having a few days to yourself is actually pretty healthy.
Communication is obviously important in any relationship, but simply more communication is not always what’s best for the couple in a long-distance relationship, especially when it’s in a forced context.4
When you force communication, two things can happen: The first is that when you inevitably hit days that you don’t have much to talk about (or don’t feel like talking), you’ll half-ass your relationship and spend time with your partner not because you want to but because you feel obligated. Welcome to every shitty marriage ever.
This uninspired, filler-filled kind of communication often creates more problems than it solves. If your partner seems more interested in his tax returns than catching up with your day, chances are you should just hang up and try again tomorrow. There is such a thing as overexposure.
The second problem that can come from forcing communication is that one or both people can begin to resent feeling obligated to connect. This resentment then sparks stupid fights which almost always devolve into some form of, “I’m sacrificing more than you are!” “No, I’m sacrificing more than you are!” And playing the I-sacrificed-more-than-you game never solved anything.
The best way to avoid this mistake is to make all communication optional, meaning that both of you can opt out at any time. The trick is to not take these opt-outs personally when they happen — after all, your partner is not your slave. If they’re having a busy week or need some alone time, that’s totally up to them to decide. BUT, you do need to use your partner’s (and your) desire for communication as a barometer for how the relationship is proceeding. If your partner spontaneously feels as though she only wants to talk a few times a week instead of a few times a day, that is both the cause AND the effect of her feeling more distant. That is worth talking about and being honest about.
People believe that long-distance relationships are very hard to maintain. You both are living in different places, how can you make your love stronger? how can you communicate with each other? Well, this a wrong perception about relationship. This article has showed that the long-distance relationship works best. It has its own charm. You can’t feel your lover’s presence but you can talk to him or her. Enjoy special moments, exchange gifts, etc. In short, long-distance relationships teach you alot.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Q. What percentage of long distance relationships are broken?
A. 40 ٪
Also, couples in long distance relationships expect to live together for about 14 months of the relationship. Approximately 40% of couples in long distance relationships separate; Around 4.5 months after the relationship is the time when couples start to have problems most often.
Q. Why do long distance relationships fail?
A. Either before or after moving together, traditional couples and LDR couples will always have a very high failure rate. However, long distance relationships have additional barriers: idealization, relearning, uncertainties, lack of communication, loneliness, etc. Fighting for your relationship is up to you.
Q. Is Cheating common in long distance relationships?
A. Several research studies suggest that cheating does not occur more often in long distance relationships. The researchers concluded that the risk of cheating in a relationship was much more strongly associated with the quality of the relationship and the personalities involved.
Q. Can distance kill a relationship?
A. The Jealous One. Jealousy alone is enough to kill a relationship where the two individuals get to see each other every day, so adding distance to the equation is just asking for a disaster to happen. How do you know if you are dating a jealous person?
Q. How do you know if someone loves you in a long distance relationship?
You both face the challenges and the struggles of being in a long distance relationship together, even if one partner is more independent and less expressive than the other, there is true love if they try their very best so that their more emotionally dependent and clingy significant other won’t feel alone in this.